Most important parenting insights

Parenting does not come with a manual and most of us are handling it how we know best. Therefore, it’s better to encourage fellow parents than to mock their parenting efforts.

The most important parenting insight that happened to me is realising that one should have that moral authority on which to stand to correct a child’s misdemeanour.

If it’s not there, you are incurring their resentment by talking a talk that even you know you don’t walk.

The easiest way to earn the respect of your child is to become mindful of your conduct around them. That is, live by example.
Another important lesson learned in parenting is that raising a well-adjusted child takes more than a parent’s efforts. And life positions the relevant support system to get the job done.

There are times when even the best parenting disposition isn’t going to get to your child and you will need the intervention of others like grandparents, relations, teachers, trusted family friends or even the friends of that child.

I had a boss whose son was a rather difficult child. It just didn’t seem like she was capable of disciplining him and her husband was always away on business trips.
However, what I noticed is that she was always on the phone with the boy’s school teacher and I often overheard her addressing the woman thus, ‘’Aunty, your son did this and that, please address the issue with him.’’

Well, the boy is now a young man and doing well for himself overseas.

What that experience taught me is that his mother recognised her parenting limitations and dared to take advantage of a support system that could handle the boy more effectively.

This is the greatest challenge for most parents because we feel we have to do it alone.

A lot of us grew up knowing that the adults around us had as much right to discipline us as our parents and that helped to shape our character.

Unfortunately, some people feel that the only right that other adults have over their children is praise-singing.
We need to understand that the ultimate goal is for the child to turn out well and it doesn’t really matter whose efforts get the job done.
Another lesson on my list is to never convince yourself that your child is better or worse than other people’s children. Unimaginable influences abound out there.

Most parents are the last to find out about their child’s vices because they are living in denial. Even with what’s considered the best upbringing, children can still spring surprises on you, yet no child is as blemished or flawless as the mind believes.

What I encourage parents to do is to not hide whatever challenges they are facing with their child. Open up about it. There are always people who can get to that child better.

It is one of the reasons I advise people who are single parenting to not limit their circle of friendships to their fellow single parents.

Deliberately cultivate a certain balance in your child’s life. Make friends with families with a ‘’mummy and daddy’’ dynamic so that your child will understand that, there’s another family reality out there. And it’s a beautiful one.

To divorced parents, I advise that if the presence of the other parent will be more of an advantage than a disadvantage in the life of a child, please do what is best for the child.

It is time to stop using children as weapons in troubled or failed marriages. If you love that child, respect their feelings about the other parent.
Do not disillusion them from whatever ‘pedestal’ that they have placed the other parent on. They eventually figure out ‘who is who’. But, until then, protect their fragile emotions by leaving their fondness for the other parent.

Children are not meant to see any of their parents in a lesser light. A parent is like a god to a child. So, when you actively damage the other parent in their mind, you are also damaging something in the child.

The easiest way to know how effective your parenting efforts are is when your child does not see themselves as “bestie’’ with you. Once you are wielding the appropriate discipline, your child will not be quick to see themselves as “best friends’’ with you.

Sometimes, you are even seen as the enemy but that’s OK, as long as your efforts are yielding the desired good in their lives.

As a rule, where I can, I try to make a positive input in the life of any child that crosses my path. Because I believe that doing so will move life to bring similar, positive influences into the life of my child.